


In Your Wildest Dreams

by luckbringer



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-20 05:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckbringer/pseuds/luckbringer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor has saved his favorite companion for last, because he can't bear to regenerate without seeing her face one last time. But what happens when Rose doesn't leave fast enough? Leave it to him to nearly implode Time itself in his effort to say his final good-bye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who watched "The End of Time" again? (sniff) Nothing could stop me writing an AU ending for these two.

The Powell Estate, London, Earth. His last stop. The Doctor had saved the best for last, because he couldn't imagine leaving, dying, regenerating, without seeing her face one last time. Even if it was for a moment, even if his presence threatened to tear a hole in the fabric of space and time, he had to see her. This body had been made for her and her alone, and now…now he didn't know who the next one would be made for. No one, probably. He had no one else now.

He was lucky, he supposed, that no one else had been around to see the tall man stumbling out of a blue police box. They would have come up to him, asked if he was alright, and ruin it. If he ran into anyone else besides her, he might not be able to control the blast. And that just wouldn't do, not when he knew, somehow, that she would be coming around that corner any second now.

Somehow he managed to make it to the brick-faced building without falling down, but he could feel the energy coursing through his veins. How long did he have? Minutes? Seconds? If that.

And then he could hear it: that voice. A sound he hadn't heard in years and yet here it was, ringing against the walls and snow and air like angelic chimes. His ears were still attuned to her pitch, and he heard her laugh and oh, how he'd miss that sound. Somewhere there was a recording of that sound on the TARDIS, but that warbled mess of robotic noise was nowhere near as good as the original.

He kept still, though, because his ears had also become trained to detect signs of danger, and they heard that Jackie was near. He couldn't show himself, not yet…what was he thinking? He wasn't planning on showing himself at all. Even if it'd been only him and Rose in that snow-covered courtyard he wouldn't have dared to emerge and risk altering future events.

Then he heard Jackie moving off, and suddenly, she was there. Right in front of him. Giggling with a childish spirit that only snow could evoke. Should he say something? She was turned away from him, but her pink snow cap and scarf were sending messages to his hands and feet, telling them, go, go, while you still have time, get her! But what if that wasn't her? What if this was just wishful thinking, and it was really some other blond girl, or, Rassilon forbid, a younger version of Jackie that was in front of him? What if—

A slice of raw regeneration energy cut into his side and he gritted his teeth in pain, barely suppressing the feral grown that emerged. He couldn't hold out much longer…

"You all right, mate?"

He froze, and slowly raised his head, worried that if he looked too fast she would disappear—Rose! Rose was there! Right there, in front of him! She had said something, some mixture of English words, but he could hardly care what words they were. His brain was ready to implode with the sensory overload, both from his restrained regeneration energy, and the force of her mental focus directed at him and him alone.

He forced himself to hold back his tongue, clenching his fists so they didn't try and reach for her and betray him. "Yeah," he grunted.

"Too much to drink?"

"Something like that." Blimey, he had thought he remembered everything about her, but now it was clear his own colossal mind was an understatement. Her smile was infectious; her playful tone of voice, intoxicating. How he had managed to walk away from Rose as she'd kissed his doppelganger he would never understand.

She smiled again, this time with a sense of wistfulness. "Maybe it's time you went home."

"Yeah." He had to bite back his tongue, before the tears and the words and all his grief came pouring out like a waterfall. Home is here, with you! He wanted to scream. Home is in your arms, by your side, with my hand in yours in a perfect fit that couldn't be matched by anyone, not any companion since. They say home is where the heart is, and if that's true, then Rassilon, have I lost both my hearts in your depths. And all for the better! I shall cry more tears than Woman Wept if I see my hearts again! But he could say nothing, not without creating about a thousand paradoxes, and so he stayed silent. Only sharp stabs of pain and his last strands of logical sanity kept him from getting too carried away by his emotions.

"Anyway, Happy New Year," she said with a joyful lift to her voice.

"And you." No, no, no, she was walking away! She couldn't do that, not yet! One last look— "What year is this?" Stupid, stupid! She wasn't supposed to remember him! But he found himself past the point of caring.

She turned around again. "Blimey, how much have you had?"

He smiled and chuckled slightly, because Rose had laughed a bit at his question, and he could feel his old self starting to come back. Martha had nicknamed it his "Rose-self", and she was quite right, too. Only Rose could make a broken alien smile again.

"2005, January the first," she was saying.

"2005," he repeated, testing the words on his tongue. That year…that was the year…!

He'd been looking for something to say to her, some last parting words that might leave some impact on her, and his hearts, without jeopardizing their future together. For however long that future might have been. "Tell you what. I bet you're going to have a really great year."

"Yeah?" she asked, her smile emerging again. Yeah, he replied silently. In less than a year you'll be attacked by shop dummies, and a strange man with big ears will grab your hand. He'll say "run"…

"See you." And with a tongue-tipped smile (oh, how his hearts had longed to see that smile again!), she turned away.

And it was worth it. Wasn't it? All that running? Was it worth meeting him in the end? He hoped it was. The image of his twin and Rose snogging the life out of each other on that beach made him smile, and he had to admit, that maybe, just maybe, he'd finally done something right.

Without warning another wave of energy brought his pain back to the forefront of his mind. Yep, time to go back to the TARDIS. No more companions to see…he'd saved the best for last…

He stumbled away from the wall, but kept a hand along its side, grazing along the brick for some semblance of purchase. Then he was falling, righting himself back up again. A massive pulse of regeneration energy, slightly different than before, caused him to arch his spine and give a throaty yell.

"Hey, you okay?"

What?! The Doctor's eyes flew open. Rose! But…something told him that she wasn't supposed to be here. Not now. She was supposed to be gone, she had been turning away—hadn't she? He stumbled towards the TARDIS, waiting for him patiently in the distance, but his vision blurred and his knees gave out underneath him.

In the midst of the rolling sea of pain that coursed through his sensory receptors, the Doctor was aware of many things: the song of the TARDIS, howling defiantly, as if She was standing up to some unseen force. Rose's voice behind him, and suddenly all around him. Snow underneath him. Pain shooting up his back and touching his lungs and vital organs, canceling out his repertory bypass. The sense that this new pain was very different from the regeneration pain from before. Indeed, it was more painful than all of his other regenerations. Was it…time energy?

The Doctor cracked his eyes open and saw that he was lying in snow on his stomach, his face half lifted towards his time ship. Sigma…he was standing there, in the snow. A projection? It was hard to tell…the Ood kept flickering in and out of existence, singing whenever he appeared and leaving silence behind. Almost as if Sigma was a part of a possible future, a future that was looking to be harder and harder to obtain.

Hands touched his back, and he bit back a yell as a different kind of shock pulsed his brain: paradox energy. Rose wasn't supposed to meet him like this, she wasn't even supposed to be here. But how did the Doctor know this? Wasn't he the first to say that Time was so "wibbly-wobbly" and "timey-wimey" that anything could happen at any given moment? But he could still feel it, in his mind. Two paths were being formed: one had Rose turning away and Sigma singing the Doctor to his sleep. The other…Rose was at his side, but he couldn't see what would happen after that.

Well, clearly the former was out of the question, so that left the latter.

"Can you hear me?" Rose's voice brought him back to the present, but every decibel was like a symphony of angels and demons to his ear drums. She turned him over and scanned his face, shocked to find it utterly pale. "Stay with me, mister, I'm calling 999. You hang in there, alright?"

Yes, yes, of course, Rose anything for you…but this wasn't how it was supposed to be! The medics wouldn't get there in time, anyway. With the amount of stored regeneration energy in his veins the Doctor had to get back to the TARDIS before he created a hole in the middle of London.

"Rose…" he managed to gasp, willing her to understand.

She froze, her phone (that rutty phone. It was nothing compared to the upgrades he would make to it) held up to her ear and the dial tone sounding. "How do you know my name?"

The Doctor looked up at her and tried to ignore his instinct to run. Time was already messed up by this point, what was the harm in creating another paradox?

Before he could reply the call got through and Rose was speaking into the receiver. "Yeah, hi, this is Rose Tyler at the Powell Estate in London. I've got a bloke here and he's…" She glanced down at him and bit her lip in worry. "He's having some sort of fit." A pause. "Well, he's pale, and he's shaking, and… I don't know, ma'am, I thought he was drunk or somethin' earlier but now… Okay, we'll be here. I'll try, ma'am. Bye."

The Doctor watched Rose click her phone off and replace the device in her coat pocket. She kept a firm grip on him through his coat, much to the Doctor's annoyance. Of course she would be so kind, of course she would think of what was best for others and not herself…and isn't that why he was so desperately in love with her?

"Rose…" He tried again, ignoring his future companion's pointed stare. "Rose, please, listen to me. You've got to let me go, I need—" Another flicker of pain and he ground his teeth together so hard he was probably turning them into powder. Not like he'd need these teeth again, anyway. Which reminded him…teeth was the first thing this body noticed and talked about. All to and for Rose.

But he needed to make her understand. "Please, I need to go. Let me leave!"

"Are you daft? The ambulance will be here any minute now, you'll be fine."

"No, I won't, and you won't be either unless you let me go." Just like his Rose, to argue with him over who's more willing to save the universe. Now wasn't the time for heroics. If there was any chance of Time going back to normal he needed to erase her memories and leave now, else he'd be leaving a lot more than Rose's life at stake. How many planets had they saved together? A hundred? Ten hundred? A thousand? They'd saved the Earth so many times he couldn't keep track of them all. If Rose died now, in 2005, the universe would implode on itself.

"Rose…" Oh, his beautiful Rose! In his turbulent mind and heart, the Doctor knew one thing for certain: his Rose was here, saving him again. And here the Doctor was, in her arms and scared, so, so scared, because he was close to dying and there was no way to save himself or Rose or anyone on this bloody planet. "Oh, Rose…"

Waves of fresh pain were briefly smothered by the Doctor's tears as they rolled down his cheeks. He was dying, yes, but he was in Rose's arms! Rose was here, in this universe. And somewhere, in another universe, she was alive and well and no doubt sleeping in his duplicate's arms. Just like the Doctor was preparing to sleep now. He'd accept this death, if death it was. He could always suppress the energy, to a point where regeneration never happened…the Master had done it, so why couldn't he?

Time seemed to open before him, and he could see a different man, and then another…so many faces…and they would be gone if he gave up now. But the Doctor curled into Rose's side and ignored them, his tears still burning his youthful face. He heard Rose utter a squeak of surprise, but he was grateful that she was so caring that it didn't matter how he knew her name. All Rose saw was a man who might be close to death, and in need of someone to comfort him.

The Doctor felt a timid hand rest itself on his back, and then another set of fingers laced themselves into his hair. He silently thanked her, and let his sobs roll across her lap, releasing his pent-up emotions as Rose stroked him and held him close.

To any other man or woman who happened to witness this sight, it appeared to them as if the pair were molded together. They created a single entity that floated along Time's edges and danced itself through the Sea of the Universe's Memory.

Their embrace lasted mere moments, but to the Doctor it felt like a lifetime. Suddenly his legs gave a mighty twitch as his golden regeneration energy flared like an inferno…the TARDIS was shouting at him, trying to tell him something important…and he fell into blackness.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say it with me, all together now: "suspended disbelief". Is it far-fetched? Perhaps a bit. But that's what makes it fun!

The Doctor awoke to blackness.

There was nothing, not above or below him. No movement, no other signs of life. There was just an endless blackness that stretched on and on forever. He couldn't even think straight. Where was he? How did he get here? Bits and pieces were coming back to him…Rose! She was there! And he was there, too, in her arms (which wouldn't have been a bad thing under normal circumstances), but that wasn't supposed to happen. Right? He began to panic. What happened to Rose? What happened to him? Where was he? Was he dead? Why wasn't his time sense working? Where was the TARDIS? Why wasn't he hearing or feeling Her in his head? And what was that infernal beeping noise?

It was then that the Doctor realized that he had yet to open his eyes.

When he did, the florescent lights almost blinded him. After a few seconds of squinting, he could begin to see where he was. He wasn't dead, that was for sure. Most dead people probably don't wake up in a hospital room with a heart monitor attached to their arm. The Doctor listened to the beeping noise more closely, and frowned in confusion. If this rhythm was correct, then it was measuring someone with one heart, not two. But that wasn't right. He distinctly remembered having two hearts, but the feeling of something stuck in his left arm made it clear that the machine was definitely measuring his heart rate, and not someone else's.

"Hello."

The Doctor turned so quickly he heard his neck crack. Rose! Alive! Sitting, in the chair, next to his bed, watching him! Looking right at him! The sunlight from the window behind her made her hair shine like a golden halo. A fitting metaphor. Angel shining high, clear these devils from my aching heart…he thought that poem up on the spot. He should write it down, maybe tell it to Rose one day—right, she'd said something.

"Hello," the Doctor replied, wincing at how gravely his voice sounded. Add it to the list of reasons why he should never sleep: his vocal chords were very susceptible to sleep and needed to be used at all times in order to be properly lubricated.

Now they both sat in an awkward silence, both afraid to breach the obvious topic of conversation first. He had so many question to ask her (namely, what in Rassilon's name just happened to him), but which to ask first?

Rose seemed to be going through the same inner dilemma, but she spoke first. Braver than the Doctor, every time. "Um, happy new year, I suppose," she said.

The Doctor nodded his head carefully. "Yes, lovely. 2005. Great year, really great year."

"Yeah, you said that. Earlier."

Right. Earlier. The memories came rushing back and the Doctor could remember everything: the snow, the radiation poisoning, and all the good-byes. Rose Tyler. Dying, and yet… "What happened?" The Doctor had meant to ask her in a kind way, but the question came out in a throaty growl.

She shifted in her seat. "That's what you'll have to tell me, mister. One second you look like you're drunk, then suddenly you're all…twisted on the ground like you're in pain or something."

How much could he give away? One thing was certain, though. Rose was probably never supposed to meet him like this. He doubted she'd been going through their adventures knowing how he was going to die. The Doctor shut his eyes and tried to look into his and Rose's timelines, but he let out a strangled gasp when he was met with nothing. Nada. Zilch. When he attempted to delve deeper into his mind he was met with an enormous void. No telepathy, no time sense, no mental sense at all. It was like something had purged him of everything that had made him a Time Lord.

He wondered if this was what it had felt like for his half-human clone, whether this emptiness was common…hold on…if he was comparing himself to his doppelganger, his human doppelganger, then…oh no.

Somewhere in the distance a machine signaled an increased heart rate in a single heart.

"Hey! Mister, uh, whoever-you-are!" The Doctor felt someone place a tender hand on his right arm. "Calm down, okay? You're fine. The doctors all say you'll be just fine."

Rose's voice was a constant reminder of everything that was entirely wrong with this situation (even if he couldn't feel it through his connection with the Time Vortex), but then again, he wasn't one to deny Rose Tyler anything. Biting back a whimper of pain, the Doctor retreated from the emptiness of his mind and opened his eyes.

She was leaning forward in her chair, one of her hands clasping his arm in a comforting, yet firm, grip. Though her face was creased with worry, the Doctor thought she was the most beautiful sight in all the universe.

But a worried Rose was never a good Rose, not when he remembered the way she used to smile. He began, "Rose—"

She cut him off with a harsh glare and jerked her hand away, leaving a chill on his arm. "How do you know my name?"

The Doctor held his tongue, hoping that she'd just drop it, but that wasn't his Rose. She pressed him again, "I know that wasn't a guess. You said it last night."

"This morning."

"Whatever." She crossed her arms over her chest in a very Jackie-like manner. "So tell me, how much do you know about me? Who are you? And will you please tell me what the hell happened—earlier?"

He considered lying and erasing her memories then and there, but the Doctor couldn't imagine that he was capable of that right now, especially if he couldn't even access his time sense. Besides, Time was already destroyed beyond repair, what harm was there in causing a few more dents? "I'm the Doctor, the last of an alien species called the Time Lords," he said, "I travel through time and space in a blue police box called the TARDIS. I am 903 years old, and you aren't supposed to meet me until the middle of this year."

Rose stared at him without blinking. Then, in a whisper, "What?"

The Doctor sucked in a breath and tried to find the right words that wouldn't make her run for the hills. "I know that isn't the best of explanations, but it's true, all of it."

"It can't be! There're no such thing as aliens." Despite her words, she had uncrossed her arms and was now fidgeting with the sleeve of her winter coat.

"Aren't there? In less than a year you'll be singing a different tune, Rose Tyler."

"Stop it."

He raised his chin, though for what reason, he hadn't a clue. "Rose Tyler, nineteen years old, favorite color is pink but it'll change to cobalt blue, your favorite food is fish and chips, you enjoy vinegar with said chips, you participated in gymnastics when you were little, Jimmy Stone was your abusive ex-boyfriend who convinced you to drop out of school before getting your A-levels, Mickey Smith will become your boyfriend if he isn't already, your mum is Jackie Tyler, your dad is Pete Tyler who died in a car crash with only a strange blond woman by his side to hold his hand as he died in the street (that was you, by the way), you tend to poke your tongue out when you smile, you dream of traveling the world, perhaps even seeing the stars, but you think you're only a shop girl who'll never go anywhere, your mum gives the most horrendous slaps, you—"

The mention of Jackie's slaps seemed to remind the shocked Rose that she had such a weapon. She jumped out of her chair just so she could reach him and slapped him across the face.

The Doctor winced at the stinging pain in his face, but then again, he supposed he deserved that. "Sorry," he muttered, thoroughly disgusted with himself. Once his gob started talking he couldn't bring himself to stop it. If only that bloody machine would stop beeping!

"I'm not." Rose sat back down in her chair and glared at him. "How do you know all that? Have you been stalking me?"

"What? No, no!" He said, rubbing his face gingerly. "You…you were my companion. My traveling companion. Or, at least, you will be, hopefully."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow, but she wasn't in an aggressive sign, which was probably a good sign. "Explain."

"We travel through time and space. You and me, across the stars." The Doctor smiled wistfully, remembering all the days gone by. "Oh, just you wait, Rose. It all starts in the basement of a London department store. I'll look different, and I won't know you, but it'll be me. The first words I say to you will be "run", and oh, how we'll run! New planets, old galaxies, saving Earth time and time again, meeting historical figures from every time period, destroying the Daleks, ending a Cybermen take-over in a parallel world, stop the Beast in the Pit from escaping…I meant it, Rose." He refocused his brown eyes onto her troubled hazel ones. "What I said earlier, about you having a great year this year. Because you will." He smiled and looked down at his lap. "Just as I did."

Rose was silent and unresponsive, even when the Doctor looked up expectantly. Not running away was good, he supposed, though throwing her arms around him would be nice. On instinct, he stretched his right hand out to her, willing her to grasp it.

Although Rose saw his proffered hand, she didn't take it, or even acknowledge its presence. Instead she returned to a professional stance on the whole matter and said, "You didn't answer my third question. What happened? Why were you in pain?"

The Doctor sighed and returned his empty hand to his lap. He wished he had a better answer to give her. "I'm sorry, but, I'm not even sure I know. Could you tell me exactly what happened, from the moment you saw me to the moment I ended up in a hospital bed?"

Rose stared at him for a few seconds, considering him and his question. "Will you leave me alone?"

Though it pained him to say it, the Doctor breathed through his nose and nodded. It wasn't like he had any other choice.

After a slight hesitation, she tentatively answered his question. "After you talked to me, I was about to head back to my flat when I heard you grunt, as if you were in pain. When I turned you were bent double. I went to help you and realized that you were trembling and extremely hot to the touch, like you had a fever."

"That was the excess radiation," he muttered, half to himself.

"Excess…?" She shook off her curiosity and continued. "Anyway, then you started talking, telling me to go away, knowing my name…"

Rose took a moment to glare at the Doctor, who was so lost in thought remembering his own experiences from the night before that he didn't notice.

"And then you were shaking, and I called 999, and you, um…you started crying. You went rigid all of a sudden, and then…"

The Doctor looked up at hearing her dwindle off. "Then what?" he said quickly. She wasn't looking too good at that moment but he had to know what happened to all that regeneration energy.

She bit her lip. "Well, um, mister—"

"Doctor."

"Yeah, that. You sorta just…glowed, with a golden light. And there was this singing in the back of my mind. It was so beautiful…" She closed her eyes. "I can still hear it…"

The Doctor nodded, gesturing for her to continue, but then he frowned. Rose wasn't opening her eyes. "Rose?" he said.

No response. "Rose, do you hear me?"

When she failed to even twitch at the sound of his voice, he lurched out of his bed to touch her hand.

As soon as he made contact all of his mental senses imploded, as if they were on fire. But despite the burning, the Doctor felt no pain. Just power, pure, raw power. It flashed before his eyes and briefly made Rose's skin glow with a golden light. The words Bad Wolf flashed across his mind before the Doctor pulled back quickly, as if burned.

Ever so slowly Rose blinked her eyes open and shook her head. "My head…" she murmured. Then she opened her eyes fully and was surprised to see the Doctor staring at her intently. His gaze looked surprised, troubled…even fearful. "What? Is something wrong?"

"You…" He swallowed. "Rose, please. Tell me what happened. After I flashed gold, what happened?" Unconsciously, the Doctor's free hand combed through his hair, which was still its proper length. No regeneration, then. That makes this the second failed regeneration in this body.

Rose's face clenched in sudden pain and the Doctor's hand reached out on instinct, but he hesitated just before touching her arm, remembering what had happened the first time. Then, after a few seconds, Rose spoke.

"I saw you, in a yellow light," she said. The Doctor wasn't sure whether the soft yellow light around her was coming from the sunlight or some kind of excess time energy. "And then, I opened my eyes, and I saw the light. It settled onto the ground, and out of that light there appeared a man. Different than you, and yet, the same."

He was completely still, his hand now gripping the hospital bed's armrest with an iron grip. Rose continued, her eyes still screwed shut and her voice echoing like a prophecy. "This man stood, clothed in the same clothes as you, and walked to a blue police box in the distance. He didn't even turn to look at you or me. Occasionally, his image would flicker, as if he was on the border between reality and imagination. He entered the police box, and the box vanished in the midst. As it left, the glow faded from your form, and you fell unconscious. Moments later the ambulance arrived, and…" Her voice faded, and, ever so slowly, she opened her eyes. Rose's next words came out sounding confused. "I…I'm sorry, I don't remember anything after that. Does that help?"

The Doctor sat on the hospital bed, his entire body stiff like a corpse. He didn't think he blinked once, nor did he hear his own breathing. Suddenly, he remembered a conversation he had had with Wilfred Mott (how long ago that conversation now seemed to be).

"Even then, even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies." He had told Wilfred. "Some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead."

The heart-rate monitor continued to pulse a steady, single-pulse heartbeat.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion is here! Did it take a while? A bit, but oh well, it's here now. Hope you've liked it, even if this is one of my more unbelievable fics. The title and the lyrics at the end are from the song "Your Wildest Dreams" by the Moody Blues. Now that I've got this done I can focus on the four other fanfics I'm working on! (Oi.) Keep writing, all!

The Doctor groaned and let his head fall back on the pillows. What had he done…no, it might not have been his fault…maybe the TARDIS had done something? It would certainly suit Her to do something like this.

"Uh, Doctor?" Rose asked, but the Doctor screwed his eyes shut and rubbed his aching forehead. This had happened, so there was no use in dwelling about how. Even if he was more curious about "how" than he'd ever been about anything in his extremely long life. But were there any lasting effects? Surely in the proper time line he was supposed to regenerate in the middle of a snow-covered Powell Estate. Somehow they must have created a paradox, though why there were no Reapers crashing through the window the Doctor couldn't guess. Speaking of windows, what time was it? Bright, almost florescent, light was still pouring in from outside.

"Doctor, I…I think I should get going now," he heard Rose say.

Hold on…

And then everything crashed into his skull like a freight train. His human qualities, as if everything that had made him a Time Lord was removed, Rose's pain, the lack of noise coming from outside their little hospital room…oh no.

"Rose," the Doctor said suddenly. Upon opening his eyes he saw she had stopped at the foot of his white bed. "Rose, your mum. She was expecting to see you home hours ago, wasn't she?"

Rose nodded, her brow furrowed in confusion.

He sighed. How to break this smoothly? "And has she called you at all? Even once?"

He wasn't sure whether he should be elated or crushed when she shook her head slowly, further proving his theory.

"And outside that door," the Doctor continued, nodding his head towards said object on his left, "What's outside it? And who?"

"A-a hallway. The rest of the hospital, I suppose, with their staff and everything. What's that got to do with anything?" Rose was looking slightly annoyed now, and occasionally glanced at the blank screen of her phone.

If she'd been a more aware of the little details, she might have noticed that the digital clock on her phone had been telling the same time for some time now. Its screen read 1:42am—the exact time the Doctor had "regenerated".

"Open the door."

The Doctor watched Rose glance from him to the door, and then go to open it. His face retained its sorrowful mask even when she opened the door, stared out it in shock, and then promptly slammed it shut.

"What the hell was that?" Rose snapped as she backed away from the door handle. She glared at the Doctor. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, Rose, it's not." He flicked his eyes towards the window. "And through there?"

She barely spared it a second glance, since it was the exact same view she saw outside the hospital door. Rose clenched her fists to her sides and turned on him. "Stop it."

"Rose, I can't—"

"I said stop it! Stop it right now!"

"There's nothing to stop." The Doctor sat up higher in his white bed.

Rose glanced at the window again, but she visibly flinched from the view outside. "Why's it all white? Where's everything gone?"

He raised his hand and scratched a sore spot behind his ear. "Outside this room there's nothing, nothing at all. Our brains perceive that as white, the absence of color. Technically, since the moment I failed to regenerate properly, there hasn't ever been anything out there. But again your brain fills in small details like hospital staff and hallways on its own. It's its way of staying sane."

"Have an answer for everything, do you?" Rose said, giving him an accusatory glare.

"It's just my way, Rose." He looked down at his empty hands. "You should know that by now."

He felt her give him a long glance, before she said, "Then tell me why my mum hasn't called me yet."

This time the Doctor didn't dare meet her eyes. "She hasn't called because she hasn't had to. Right now your mother, Jackie Tyler, is in her flat with her daughter, Rose Tyler. The proper Rose Tyler, I mean. In her correct time line."

"Stop it, alright?" Rose snapped. "What's happened to my mum? Does she even exist?"

"Not in this universe." He tentatively raised his head and met her level gaze. "The moment I regenerated—" Rose opened her mouth to interrupt, but the Doctor beat her to it. "Glowed gold, I mean—with you touching me the time lines split apart. A paradox was inevitable at that point. So the TARDIS, my time ship—and here's where things get strange—She must have done something to split both of us in two. My Time Lord form regenerated and quite literally walked away. That was the strange man you saw disappear inside a blue police box. But what you didn't see was the half of you that was created at that exact moment, probably because your doppelganger was behind you and walking towards your flat. Jackie's not calling you because she doesn't need to. In her time line in her universe, you're getting up for a morning cuppa, and neither of you give any thought to what might or might not have transpired the night before. You might be watching New Year's parades on the tele for all I know." He grinned slightly. "January the first, 2005: ooh, what a start to a year!"

Rose was completely silent, her eyes wide but unfocused, like she was in the middle of sorting everything that had happened into the proper spots in her brain. Her hand crept up to massage her forehead. "You…you said something about different universes."

"Yeah." The Doctor shifted on his white bed, his position now becoming uncomfortable. "After our doubles were created the universe didn't know what to do with us. Neither of us were meant to exist with these memories, and there were probably a batch of Reapers getting ready to finish us off. Not that I'd mind them doing so, much. That paradox could have been strong enough to destroy the universe."

"Meaning?"

He winced. "Well, here's where things get interesting, because without my TARDIS I can't analyze you, me, this room, anything. It looks like we got transported to a pocket universe, but one that's so small it's like it's inside our original universe. How the TARDIS managed to do that without a pilot and limited power I have no idea. Problem is, small universes like these aren't meant to sustain life for very long, so we should work on finding a way out."

"You always manage to. I trust you with my life." The Doctor flicked his eyes to Rose in confusion. She sounded so sure of her words just then…but minutes earlier she had been accusing him of setting this whole thing up.

Suddenly his breath hitched, because he was looking at Rose, the women he knew and lo—loved. Her face was set in determination, and her eyes were bursting with love and trust and compassion. A faint golden glow crept into her irises.

And just as quickly, the moment vanished and uncertainty and confusion appeared once more. But the slight golden glow still hung around her head like a cloud of insects. Rose groaned and clutched her head. "Oh, my head…"

"Rose?" The Doctor ripped the heart sensors off his arm and jumped out of the hospital bed, no longer caring that his actions probably looked threatening at best to a disturbed Rose. But Rose Tyler was hurting and there was no way the Doctor would let that happen, not again. Not while he was around to stop it.

He rushed to her side, and growled in frustration when she shied away from him, her hands covering her forehead like a shield. But this wasn't the kind of pain that could be blocked by physical means. "Rose, love, please," the Doctor said, deliberately using the endearing term to pacify her. "Your head's hurting and I think it has something to do with your mind. I can help you. Please, Rose." He tentatively put his palm on her cheek and couldn't help breaking into a small smile. Touching Rose again was proving to be the best feeling in all the world. "Let me save you for once."

Rose's eyes opened and met his with apprehension, but whatever she found in his gaze must have satisfied her. She carefully removed her hands and allowed the Doctor to place his fingertips on both sides of her temple. He closed his eyes and slid into her mind.

Even from the first level of access the Doctor could tell that Rose's mind was a violent storm. "Oh, your mind's a right mess, isn't it?" he mused out loud, his voice working to both reassure her and keep himself on track. His mind was beginning to respond to their mental proximity and its enthusiasm was extremely distracting.

He felt Rose flinch and the Doctor made soothing noises from the back of his throat. "Shh, it's alright, Rose, I'm here. I'm going to look deeper into your mind to find the source of all this turbulence. It might tingle a bi,t but if it hurts you tell me, alright?"

"It's hurting right now," Rose whispered.

The Doctor's shoulders vibrated in a silent chuckle. "I'm working on that, love." He gently pushed his mind deeper into Rose's. "I'm at your memories right now. If there's anything you don't want me to see just imagine a door closing on them, I won't look."

As he drifted through her mental "hallways" he saw doors open and close on their own, in no recognized pattern. But he didn't even allow himself to look through the opened doors, let alone the closed ones. An understanding on that psychological level was only appropriate in a bonded, married, pair. And he and Rose were not that, no matter how much he wanted them to be.

But then he paused outside a door that was different from the rest. It was small, almost too small to be noticed by Rose's own mind, and looked both vintage and brand-new at the same time. What was remarkable about it was that it was wide open, as if it wanted him to come in.

"Rose, have you seen this door before?" He asked aloud. At any other time he might try and communicate through telepathy, but Rose looked scared enough.

She shook her head, but whether it was meant as an answer to his question or as a way to clear her head of some extraneous thought, he didn't know.

The Doctor wondered whether or not he should intrude on something that had the potential to be extremely revealing. But then, through the door, he saw a flash of a memory: inside the TARDIS, with his previous form and Rose. They were dancing across the console.

He remembered that night vividly, and the brief image was enough to stop his single heart. Somehow, Rose's future memories were interspersed in the mind of her past self. How was this possible?

It was when he crossed the threshold that Rose really began to struggle, and the Doctor instantly knew why. His knees nearly buckled under the onslaught of memories shared by his Rose: saving her from an arm made of living plastic, the last surviving Dalek (or so he'd thought at the time), a Slitheen holding Rose up by the neck, Satellite 5, a sword fight he'd fought in jimjams, a planet orbiting a black hole, even Torchwood…The thoughts slammed into his mind like a hoard of Sontarans and crashed through his mental barriers. Everything was hitting Rose at once, and her memories only increased in strength and clarity as they found the Doctor's recollections and combined with them. The Doctor couldn't see, but he dared not open his eyes, afraid that if he did the connection would be lost. At abrupt moments a flash of gold would brush past him and the words "Bad Wolf" would echo against his ears.

The Doctor felt Rose falter under his fingertips, and he pressed his forehead to hers in an effort to keep her standing. Suddenly it became apparent that Rose's mind could burn as easily as Donna's could have if she didn't remember everything this instant. "Come on, Rose, stay with me," the Doctor growled. He was dimly aware of his fingers digging into the sides of Rose's head, but he had to keep her focus. She had to remember! "Those aren't my thoughts in your head, they're yours! You have to let them in!"

"My head," Rose whimpered, "It's killin' me…"

Suddenly the Doctor was back on Satellite 5, facing a human woman who had absorbed the time vortex. He moved his entire body closer to Rose and gently applied more pressure to her forehead, even nuzzling it. "I know, love, but I don't think I can kiss it better this time." He could feel her mental strength begin to fade, but with a little push of positive energy from him Rose's mind rose up like a wolf preparing to howl. One by one, the memories filled in the gaps that naturally appear in an eighteen-year-old's brain.

The Doctor grinned and urged her with his telepathy and with words. "Come on, Rose," he coaxed, "You've got it! Nearly there! Just stay with me for a little longer…"

And then it was done, the memories sorted and in place, and Rose's mind pushed the Doctor out with a wall of gold. He gratefully escorted himself from her mind and removed his fingers one by one, glad that his pink and yellow human was both conscious and upright.

When the Doctor opened his eyes, he anticipated having to catch Rose before she hit the tiled floor. What he did not expect was a Tyler slap that would have made Jackie proud.

"You left me!" Rose shouted at him while he rubbed his reddening cheek. She looked exactly the same, except for her eyes. They were her eyes, now, stars reflecting in her eyes even through a wall of confused emotions. Every memory had hit her at once and now it seemed like she was reliving the more harrowing moments.

The amazed Time Lord opened his mouth to apologize (part of him wanted to ask, "Which dangerous situation are you talking about?") but Rose's demeanor immediately shifted and tears sprang to her eyes. "Doctor…" she choked out. She ran her hands over each part of his face: his nose, his sharp chin, the curve of his eye sockets, the shape of his ears, his hairline and sideburns…all was caressed and catalogued individually. The Doctor actually closed his eyes and sighed into her touch, not daring to comment and risk her stopping. It just felt so good, to be stroked and reassured through touch that yes, everything was going to be alright. He hadn't felt loved in this way since…well, since Rose.

"Rose…" he breathed, tears springing to his own eyes. And suddenly they were both in tears and Rose's arms were around him and he was clutching her like she was his last hold on life and love and happiness. (Which, in the end, she probably was) He nestled his face in her neck and breathed in the smell of her hair, almost like snow and not quite like a hospital and exactly like his Rose only layered under a different type of shampoo. But it didn't matter, because somehow, someway, the Doctor had come to say good-bye to Rose and had ended up finding her again. As if to prove that point to the universe he pulled her tighter against him. They were the last two people in this universe (well, the only two people) and there was no way he was letting her go again!

Rose chuckled slightly through her own tears of joy and reached up on her toes to further bury her face in his neck, his shoulder, and anywhere else she could reach, letting her arms stretch to his hair and neck. He smelled like Time itself, with a hint of TARDIS that she immediately classified as "home", and somehow matched her recollections of him and surpassed them at the same time. It was strange, feeling like she hadn't seen the Doctor in ages, and yet knowing that they'd "met" less than twelve hours ago. He seemed older, though, and Rose wondered how long it'd been for him. The last thing she had memory of was being separated from him in Canary Wharf.

"Doctor," she whispered, not wanting to disturb the silence but remembering what the Doctor had said about universes like these having limited lifespans. The Doctor pulled his head back to listen, but his arms remained firmly locked around Rose's waist. "Doctor, what just happened, and how? I…I was falling into the void, right?" The image of her Doctor's face contorted in grief had singed itself into her mind like a brand. "And there was a beach…"

Pain flashed across his face at the memory, but the Doctor smiled and shook his head in amazement. "Oh, you are brilliant, you are!" Without really thinking about it he planted a kiss to the top of Rose's head. "All those years ago and yet you and the TARDIS still managed to work it out."

She smiled at the compliment (and the feather-light kiss; where had that come from?) and said, "Explain, Doctor."

"Bad Wolf!" He shouted. An involuntary shiver ran down Rose's spine, but the Doctor reassured her with one of his maniacal grins. "Remember? Satellite 5? Course you don't really remember, I took those memories out of you so you didn't burn up, but oh, you're good! Somehow Bad Wolf, who you had created oh, so long ago, or the entity that created you, same difference, knew this was coming. It worked with the TARDIS and they changed history, enough that there's no paradoxes, no dying, nothing! Just us, together again, the legendary duo, Shiver and Shake, just as it should be!"

Rose mirrored his grin and reciprocated his hug, but of course, she'd hardly understood a word he'd said in that ramble. "And that means?" She asked him.

The Doctor gently set his forehead against hers and sighed, letting his eyes fall shut. He was so relaxed, finally…couldn't he just stay here, with Rose in his arms, in this exact spot for the rest of Time? "It means that we could have a life together in another universe. If you want." Realizing the position he was in he brought his arms back in front of him, but his eyes remained locked on hers. "The TARDIS worked to separate me from my Time Lord form, so now I'm human. Human-y with a touch of you, actually, since you were in contact with me during regeneration. I…we could live out our lives. Together. And it would be in an all-new universe, because our original one would implode if we ever step foot in there again. That's what this tiny universe is, in fact. They're nicknamed "transport universes" because they serve as stepping stones in between the bigger universes. It's your choice, of course, but…"

He glanced between her eyes, now fearful that she might reject his offer and leave him stranded, a human-y Time Lord with nowhere to go. But Rose smiled (she actually smiled! It left him breathless) and placed her hand on his cheek, the same one she'd slapped moments earlier.

"Doctor," she said, "Of course I want to stay with you. It's just…"

"What is it, Rose?" The Doctor quickly held her hands in his and awaited her response with bated breath. It had scared him at one point, how readily he would drop everything if it meant making Rose happy, but how could he bring himself to mind? One look at Rose's tongue-touched smile or big, pleading eyes and he would bringing her a bucket full of Gallifreyan white-point stars.

She smiled a bit more at his uncertainty. "Well, I happen to recall that you were about to say something to me on Bad Wolf Bay." She looked up at him expectantly. "Wouldn't do to leave a poor girl hanging. Plus," she added, rolling her eyes for emphasis, "we're still stuck in between universes right now."

"Well, I can do something about that first bit," the Doctor replied, now grinning. He straightened his back and cleared his throat, before gently placing his hands on Rose's cheeks. His eyes were black and brown, soulful depths that threatened to consume her, but she nothing could have made her look away.

"Rose Tyler," he began, voice low. Rose's breath hitched as he began bringing his face closer to hers. "I love you."

His lips met hers tentatively at first, but their kiss quickly deepened as Rose met him with enthusiasm. Finally the Doctor allowed himself to open to Rose Tyler fully, his tongue darting out to dance on her lips, and finally indulge in her taste as she moaned under him. His arms grasped her back, but it was his turn to emit a low and primal groan as Rose's fingers worked their magic on his scalp. The Doctor could see it in his mind's eye: his silver essence and hers in gold, coming together at last.

And there, just below the surface, was a song. It was faint, but the Doctor could detect it as easily as he could detect the song of the TARDIS. As he approached he felt Rose follow him, and suddenly she gasped and broke their kiss.

"That…that was…" Rose whispered, breathless from the intense passion that had gone into that snog from both sides. The Doctor couldn't wait to make her sound like that again and again.

"Yeah," he murmured, noting his own breathless state but not particularly caring. "That's the way out. Our ride to the next universe."

"And which universe is that?"

"No idea. Bad Wolf could have created it, or maybe it's just another universe out there, one of the millions and billions in existence." He scratched behind his head, already missing the hand Rose had used to massage it. "Either way we'll have to decide fast. This universe is already deteriorating."

As if on cue the surrounding walls suddenly vanished, leaving a tile floor and various hospital appliances behind. All around them was white. "Oh," Rose breathed, the fear creeping back into her voice.

The Doctor quickly approached her and took her hands. "We'll be fine, you and me. Remember? Unconquerable, that's us." He looked her in the eyes, forcing her gaze away from the emptiness surrounding them. "You're going to have to trust me. We have to jump."

She stared at the crumbling floor below them in disbelief. "Into this?"

He smiled and rubbed the tops of her hands. "No, no, a mental jump."

Rose was silent. And then, "Doctor, I'm scared."

"I am, too, love. Oh, I am so scared." He took a step closer to her. "But a life with you? That's not so bad."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yes. And I bet you're as crazy as I am to risk anything for a chance at everything." As the hospital bed beside them vanished into nothingness, the Doctor opened his arms. "Come here."

Rose stepped into his embrace, and they clutched each other even as their little world crumbled around them. The Doctor probed her mind again, and this time they found themselves on a white bluff, overlooking a crevice filled with golden light. It emitted its strange song, and they found themselves drawn to it without knowing why.

The Doctor was a mess of emotions and thoughts, most of them disjointed and crazed because of the lack of time he'd had to digest everything that had happened. He'd failed to regenerate (again). Rose had been duplicated, and her other half came with him to reside in the tiniest pocket universe, which had a life span equivalent to a mayfly. Rose hadn't known him, and then she had, and it turned out that Bad Wolf and the TARDIS were behind the whole thing. The entire situation was beyond anything that could ever have happened in his wildest dreams.

But that all was insignificant when compared to him standing above a potential future with Rose Tyler by his side. She turned to him, and in her eyes he could see galaxies dying and being reborn, potential futures made and destroyed, love given and received, the brightest moments of joy and the darkest depths of despair. He'd traveled the universe with this woman, and he was more than ready to do so again, TARDIS or no TARDIS.

He offered his hand. Jump with me?

She grasped his hand and nodded wordlessly. The love emitting from her mental proximity was words enough.

Together, they jumped.

"Once upon a time  
Once when you were mine  
I remember skies  
Reflected in your eyes  
I wonder where you are  
I wonder if you  
Think about me  
Once upon a time  
In your wildest dreams."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who are curious, no, I will not be writing a sequel for this. The universe (the "paradise") our legendary duo go to is as unknown to me as it is to you. And I wouldn't have it any other way!


End file.
